I would ideally call it a journey because it’s only forward that we move in life. We do not get to go back or return, we only get to learn and achieve with some pit stops in between.
After completing my post-graduation, I immediately started working and I was very firm about continuing to work no matter what. So when actually came the time to discontinue working, I took some time to contemplate my own decision.
But this decision was really the need of the hour as my family needed me, so I gave in with a promise to self that this pause will not be of a very long duration. Little did I know that the need to be at home will be very demanding and the tasks never ending. The desire to break this pause and start working again started developing but then being out of the home the whole day did not seem feasible. I tried some flexi work from home options that did not really work out. After some motivation (self + others), I took up a full time opportunity at an organisation that was almost a start-up and close by to my place. I ended up leaving this job after completing a year as there was no challenge or opportunity to grow. By now, I was beginning to give up on the thought of being a working woman.
Someone told me when you accept your situation as is, it helps you to come to terms with it and you start feeling better. While this did not work in my case,I will also not deny that deep within the desire to work did not go away completely.
The promise I had made to myself that this pause won’t last long, seemed to become weaker as time went by. When I looked at the job opportunities available, age was always a key factor. Gradually I was coming to terms with the fact that this is how it is going to be now.
It will not be fair to say that this long pause in my life was not fruitful because I learnt a lot during this phase. I took care of my health, I encouraged others, I tried new recipes, I became regular at yoga, so overall it was an evolving period in my personal life.
Life has a way of surprising you. Just when I was least expecting and when I had almost accepted the fact that I’ll remain a homemaker till the end, an opportunity knocked at my door. I should have been dancing with joy, instead I found myself full of self-doubt and zero confidence. It was so difficult to say yes to this opportunity which seemed perfect from every angle. With a nice push from my near and dear ones, I decided to take the next step and thankfully I did get the offer. Now began the real challenge as I was really apprehensive. Will I be able to do justice to the job? Will I be able to handle the pressure of working and managing my home front?
Long stint away from the work place had drained my confidence within. But easing back into the work environment, my confidence and self-esteem revived a little day by day. I no longer felt jittery of any new task given to me, I was happy and excited about learning. I amo longer scared of making mistakes, I look on them as experiences. This is what I have concluded and this is what I’d offer as a piece of encouragement to all who are on a similar journey. Here I’d also like to mention that I was really fortunate to have a really supportive team, sogetting back to work was a delight. Today when I recall the jittery me and the present me, amidst a challenging situation, I’m glad I took this route once again, as I have evolved.
“This is how it is going to be”, I’m telling myself whilst thoroughly enjoying the new path I have ventured on, the new lessons I’m learning each day on this journey that continues.